“ ‘What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived’—
the things God has
prepared for those who love him.”
-1 Corinthians 2:9
We celebrated several birthdays in January (more
pictures at the end of the post)! Andrew turned 1 on the 9th and
is enjoying his newfound walking skills. He continues to be a delight and
true addition of peace and blessing to our family.
John turned 6 (yes, my big boy is SIX!) on
January 21st. He still has the most
contagious smile and laugh, lighting up every room. We are so proud of his
tenacity and perseverance .. and how he maintains joy through it all.
I want to be like him when I grow up. :)
Of course, we also celebrated our precious
Warren, John’s twin, in heaven. While we still mourn his loss on earth,
we are grateful we do not grieve as those without hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Because
of Jesus and His promises, Warren’s brief life on earth and his eternal life in
heaven have profound significance.
Just as death does not have the final say,
neither does disability, brokenness, disappointment, or future unknowns. It can
be easy to dwell on these negatives when John’s birthday rolls around each
year. Oftentimes, it is during Thanksgiving and Christmas that I begin to
get anxious and dread the mixed emotions January and February bring. It is
tempting to focus on all John is not doing rather than on how far he has
come. I think about what a number represents and what I imagined that
number associated with John’s new age would hold. I think forward to the
next year, irrationally bargaining with God…. If John won’t ever crawl or
walk, will you at least give him the ability to talk? This is just one
example of many. I can sell John short and also sell God short in the process…
yet another feeble attempt to control my circumstances that are clearly out of
my hands.
I do not have answers to all the questions about
John’s future. Neither do I anticipate arriving in a place where I never
experience sadness or longing for all I perceive a full life to be for our
sweet John. But I do have moments of truth and peace – moments in which
God meets me and throws me a rope. A rope to grasp and begin the next
climb…. A rope that may not contain all I would hope or desire in an instant
gratification sort of way – but that is surely enough in that moment. A
cord of hope allowing me to find my way, His way.
In the midst of this bittersweet time, this verse
is my current “rope”:
“Beloved, now we are children of God; and
it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is
revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.” -1 John
3:2
Verses like this one not only challenge how I see
John but also encourage me in God’s ultimate restoration that trumps every
circumstance, good or bad, that we may face here. And even if this
reality is not yet revealed, the fact that it is real and is
coming informs how we live now. The last will be first, and I know
that includes my boy, God’s child.
In God’s triumphant eternal reality, John IS
healed and whole.
So am I.
So are you.
I pray to live in light of this truth.
It has not yet been revealed what we will be… but
we most certainly will be given glorified bodies and made like Christ.
Until then, we can dream as best we can – as we did as children – and rest in
the joy this truth brings. Seeing dimly now, but soon face to face (1
Cor. 13:12).
I want to conclude this post with an excerpt from
a Caringbridge post written by our friend Steve Hayner. His reflection so
eloquently expresses what I am processing myself. He “lost” his battle
with pancreatic cancer on Saturday, but we know the truth. As his wife
Sharol beautifully stated, Steve’s life was swallowed up by LIFE.
“Unmet or unfulfilled expectation can demand
higher energy depletion that they are worth. The fact is, that our
expectations are generally built on what is simply familiar to us or on our
anticipations around our heart’s desires, and there are no guarantees in life
that we can be assured about either. Circumstances change. Relationships
change. Adjustments have to be made.
Time of both acute and chronic disease are times
when lots of adjustments have to be made daily. We can either resist or we can
surrender. The act of surrender doesn't mean that we give up looking for the
best, but rather we let go of expending energy on trying to maintain that which
is slipping or being ripped away. Instead, we “pray our goodbyes” to what has
been, we open our hearts to what is new, and we walk again toward the place of
gratitude, attentiveness, and learning that nurtures energy and finally results
in joy.
Expectations only hurt us when they hold us
captive. When we can let go, a whole world of possibilities can emerge.”
-Steve Hayner
Andrew Kellam Stone turns 1!
John Meade Stone is 6 years old! |
John celebrates with his wonderful teachers, Catie and Stacy! We love you! |
So grateful for all these boys!!
Happy Birthday to 3 of your sweet boys!! I cant get over how fast they are growing! Hugs to you! xoxo
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! Love steves quotes about expectations, too!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! Thank you
ReplyDelete