“Strength
is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts;
not
amid joy.”
-Felicia
Hemans
After Monday’s post, a
friend emailed about the rest of Simeon’s story found in Luke
2:33-35:
“The child’s father and
mother marveled at what was said about [Jesus]. Then Simeon
blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: ‘This child is destined to cause the
falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken
against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will
pierce your own soul too.’”
This
is part of the story too. The truth is that
Jesus’ message was divisive (Luke 12:51), not because of a lack of love but
because of a lack of hearts softened to His revelation. And the hard reality for Mary was the sword
that would come to pierce her soul as she watched her son grow into a man who
was misunderstood, ridiculed, abandoned, and crucified.
Now,
we will never face pain on that
level, but because our sweet Lord became man and subjected himself to
everything we face and feel, He does allow us to relate. And as a mother, I believe I perceive a glimpse into
Mary’s heart as Simeon hit the nail on the head. There is nothing like a child’s joys and
trials to both capture our hearts and also pierce our very souls. Mary received the blessing that was given,
but knew that with that would come the piercing.
Seeing as this blog’s
theme is navigating life and loss with the foundational perspective that Jesus
is indeed making all things new, I want to share something our family has been
navigating recently, another “piercing” of sorts… and also a blessing.
We were hoping to share
our news this week that we were expecting another precious bundle of joy in
late July. But instead, we are now
sharing about our miscarriage. A loss
here on earth. A gain of another soul
created for eternity in heaven.
Of course, we were crushed
as the reality sunk deep. The big and
little thoughts flooding. I never felt
his or her kicks. I don’t know if the
baby is a boy or girl. The names we were
already planning shelved. No longer
guaranteed three children in our Christmas card for next year… Our quiver we
hoped filling, once more seeming to regress.
But you know what has
happened? The amazing, TRULY amazing,
part of it all? I now understand. I now know what Paul means in Philippians 4:7
when he speaks of “the peace that passes all understanding.” How?
Because I have it. I can’t
explain it. It doesn’t make sense in the
earthly economy. It literally passes all
my understanding, and it can only be from Jesus. It’s not that we aren't sad or that this
child wasn’t dearly desired, deeply mourned, and still celebrated as a child in
heaven.
But deep down, I have peace. Joy
actually abounds.
Another trial has come;
but we are not destroyed.
Sometimes the trials do
not expose weakness as they leave us battered and bruised. Instead, they reveal strength. Whose strength? Christ’s as HE is strong in our
weaknesses.
I get it now, at least in this moment. I feel His love, even in this. Something I never thought I would be able to honestly
say. After all, the Lord and I have had
something akin to a love/hate relationship over the past four years. And yet, right now, I simply delight in His
love. We have wrestled, but we have come
out stronger. Wrestling is not a sign of
hatred after all; it is a sign of working out the relationship and staying the
course… not giving up on another.
Fortunately, the Lord didn’t give up on us.
My heart has been pierced,
but I’ve also received the blessing. The
blessing of sacred peace, of supernatural joy.
But also the unexpected gift of a peace in my spirit knowing our son
Warren now has a sibling in heaven. Yes I
know he is happy and whole with Jesus. But as a mother, it was a love gift from God to be able to know,
although it breaks my heart to not physically be with two of my children, that they are together until I join them. And I feel comforted, settled.
So where are we in the
aftermath? We are left still waiting. No
longer waiting on July 29 and the baby we expected. But we wait on the Lord and what He has in
store with us. Because of the Lord’s restorative work in our family and our hearts,
we don’t wait with the fretting and the fear-driven sense of urgency we have experienced
in the past… that frenzied drive to catch up.
Instead, we wait with hope, anticipating the good gifts from a good God
in His good time. All is well.
Look for the strength
emerging out of your trials, out of your weakness. And wait with hope.
“We are hard pressed on
every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not
abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around
in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed
in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for
Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death
is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
-2
Corinthians 4:8-12