"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Philippians 4:8
Over the years, I have received many difficult questions and
comments regarding John that catch me off guard. I have also been surprised by
the answers I have given and the thoughts that invade.
“How many children do you have?” “Is he your first?” “Oh, he must be sleepy…” “How old is he?” “Oh really? 3 years old?”
We have heard a new question recently… one we certainly were
not expecting: “Are they twins?”
Yes, that is the question we are hearing these days when we
are out with John and Daniel. I heard it twice just this morning at the post
office. So many mixed emotions
emerge. For the first time in public,
John is acknowledged as a twin. The twin
that he is. And that feels right and
validating. However, John’s twin is not present. Warren is in heaven, yet we cannot go into
the whole story with these unsuspecting bystanders. And clearly, to us at least, Daniel is much
younger and couldn’t possibly be John’s twin.
Nevertheless, the question stings. The tears well. And I walk out of the post office angry,
deflated…the deeper feeling is sadness and popping up, before I can even filter
it, is disappointment about the reality of our life not matching what we had
anticipated.
I have been truly wrestling with this question ever since we
started hearing it the last few weeks. Therefore, after our trip to the post
office, the boys and I went on a walk and I laid my struggle before the Lord. I silently asked Him to show me what I was to
take away from this question, “Are they twins?”, and the deep emotions it has summoned. The Lord tenderly spoke to me and gave me two insights I’d love to
share with you.
First, He gave me a thought pertaining to my beloved twins,
John and Warren, by giving me a new response.
Instead of simply stating, “No, they (John and Daniel) aren’t twins,”
and hanging my head, I can say, “No, but John actually does have a twin.” I can speak the truth without the baggage, acknowledge all three of my sons, and part ways with a smile.
Then as I walked on pushing the stroller, my mind wandered to my potential response to the questions that may follow, “Oh,
well where is his twin? At home?” Immediately
came my heart’s response: YES, Warren is
Home. A smile invaded, emotions that
didn’t require filtering. I definitely
couldn’t have come up with that on my own.
Thank you, Lord.
Second, God showed me how this question ("Are they twins?") that has been
hurtful actually points to how abundantly
blessed I am… That I even get the great
honor to be out and about with two precious little boys, even if they are
mistaken for twins! Undoubtedly, John and Daniel
represent so much that God is doing: John does
get to be and have a brother here on earth. There are two smiling children staring back at me whom I absolutely adore. God is filling
my quiver and bringing contentment where there once was only a sense of loss
and urgency to catch up in the baby bearing process and fill our minivan.
What started with a new question is ending with a new
perspective… or hopefully a continuing outlook. I
simply asked God to breathe some fresh life into this struggle (I am a stubborn
lady; it took me awhile to get to this point!).
And it didn’t hurt that I had accidently left my cell phone (and its
distractions!) at home. I'll have to do that again!
Ask God to show you what He wants you to see in your own
difficult situation. I know life can be
hard and challenging at times; I am not suggesting using your willpower
to “turn lemons into lemonade.” Simply
ask God for a glimpse into His mindset, and I think you’ll be surprised by what
He kindly whispers back…
Thank you, Lord, for your
perspective. Thank you for making all
things new.
*Warren is HOME.
*I am one blessed mama
with two boys in tow.
Daniel and John with their Uncle William |
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Romans 12:2
Beautiful thoughts!
ReplyDeleteWow! Amazing transformation of thoughts...and so quickly too! You are truly something else.
ReplyDeleteThat was such a beautiful post.
You all are always in my thoughts. I miss you so much!
Love you!